Lies.

April 6, 2010, 7:22 pm

Lies.

I'll let you in on a little secret. On most occasions when there are extended periods of time in between my postings, the reason is usually a)I'm pre-occupied with a busy schedule or b)I'm being mentally bombarded by the devil, with my thoughts/emotions being clouded with lies.

And lately, it's been the latter of the two. And, I'm sick of it. This post may make you uneasy, but I'm exposing the devil's dark lies to the Light. Many of you may be ready to pounce me with criticism, but I want you to know, I'll shrug off your attacks and love you anyways.

I'm sick of the devil telling me my past will predict my future.

And, when that doesn't destroy me, he tries to tell me that I won't be fulfilled unless parts of my past remain.

And when that doesn't work, he tells me my past will hinder my future.

And when that doesn't work, he lays on the shame of my past.

And when that doesn't work, the deceiver tries to make me doubt God's promises.

And, I'm sick of it.

I believe I'm blessed, not condemned.

I believe God has, and will continue to redeem my past.

I believe God's best is yet to come.

I am trusting God with my past, my present, and my future.

Why?

Because He's enough. More than capable of handling it. All of it.

And, I'm taking Him for His Word.

I am believing in the things unseen, yet to come.

I want you to know that no matter what your circumstances are telling you, you are blessed.

When the doctor tells you it's cancer, there is hope.

When your child dies in your arms, there is hope.

When the banker tells you "foreclosed", there is hope.

When your husband's hands are around your neck, there is hope.

When insecurity is telling you you're not good enough, there is hope.

When your wife walks out on you, there is hope.

When you are persecuted without end, there is hope.

Why? Because Jesus has already won the victory over it all. There is no need to be in despair. God is in control. Some day soon, our tears will all be wiped away. Some day very soon.

Whew. There. That was a much needed self pep talk.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
1 Peter 1:6-7

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What Goes Around, Comes Around.

April 11, 2010, 5:31 pm

≫ Next: :)

≪ Previous: Lies.

What Goes Around, Comes Around.

Little known fact about me: For the past fifteen and a half months, I have been trying to find THE verse that would be considered "Dylan's Verse". I had been searching on and off for one that would either line up with his birth date, his name (James), or anything else that would jump out at me. Couldn't find it, until today.

Let me rewind for a bit. I have the urging to thank you from the bottom of my heart for any extra prayers you said for me last week. Or any other means (and there were some), that you went out of your way to show me that I was loved. Thank You. Last week turned out splendidly. And, I know much of that is owed to you, blog readers, friends, and cherished family members.

The Bible says that a man(or woman) will reap what he sows(Gal 6:7).

And, for those of you that have sown into my life, I want to do the same for you this week. So, whether you've been cheering me on, or rooting for my downfall, I love you just the same. Let your prayer request(s) be known, and I will be honored to pray for you, this week.

And Dylan's verse? Ah, yes. It was read at tonight's service: Deuteronomy 28.
It's not just one verse, but all of Deuteronomy 28.

If, after reading the following, you find that you're in need of any of the blessings listed, all you have to do is ask. If you'd rather not have your comment publicized, just say so in your comment, and I will moderate. I will still pray for you, but not publicly post your comment. So read on, and BE BLESSED!

Thank you for loving me. I am honored to love you in return.

Blessings to you this upcoming week!

"1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:

3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.

4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.

5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.

6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.

7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.

9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.

12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them."
Deuteronomy 28:1-14

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:)

April 21, 2010, 9:25 am

≫ Next: When Life Gives You Lemons...

≪ Previous: What Goes Around, Comes Around.

:)

My apologies for the lacking of creativity with the title of this post. I have been doing a lot of :) lately though, so it is fitting. See? :D

Funny how God works sometimes, isn't it?

If we as believers, are willing to take the time to soberly, purposefully, and lovingly work through our many different trials, struggles, and challenges with God's help and grace and forgiveness, it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G the things He can do with our hearts! And with our lives! And with our situations! Don't underestimate what I am proposing. It's certainly no easy task, and certainly not achievable with hardened hearts. BUT it is possible to be out of the deep, dark valley and step out into the sun with a soft, forgiving, heart after God.

And, I'm so thankful that I made the commitment to do so, so long ago.

He has walked me, and at times, carried me through some pretty tough stuff. I think the reason sometimes God allows us to be in such turmoil is to give us a basis to live from. So, if there is ever a temptation to repeat our mistakes in the future, we most certainly will be reminded what we've been restored to, and also from. He can say "Child, remember when...", and we would reply, "Oh yes, Father, how could I forget!" He is incredible. I just adore Him!

I held onto His truths. I believed Him for the things He said He would do. And, He has never let me down.

I never thought it possible to be this happy. The joy, the contentment, the peace, the hope, has never been as great as it is today! All the glory to you, Father!

So, I'm urging you to keep on fighting the good fight! There is an end to our trouble! Trust Him.

Blessings to you! :)

A picture post coming soon...

As a side note, I wanted all of you who commented on the last post to know you've been prayed for! I would love to hear how your requests were answered!

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When Life Gives You Lemons...

April 25, 2010, 5:11 pm

≫ Next: Joy that's Unspeakable. And, I like it.

≪ Previous: :)

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Make Lemonade...

Or Make New Friends

Or Visit Old Friends

Or Go Sightseeing

Or Give First Haircuts

Whatever you do...Keep your chin up.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19

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Joy that's Unspeakable. And, I like it.

May 5, 2010, 6:52 am

≫ Next: Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

≪ Previous: When Life Gives You Lemons...

Joy that's Unspeakable. And, I like it.

It is crazy, crazy busy right now. And, I love it. This is going to be one jam packed summer! We are in the final preparations for the missions trip to Guatemala. We hosted a pancake breakfast last Saturday at a local chain restaurant. It was my first time ever acting as a waitress. Not to brag, but several of my tables said if any of my present jobs didn't pan out, I was a good server. Ha! I don't know about that, but I do know it was super fun! It was neat to see the behind the scenes action of what goes on in one of my favorite restaurants. We have one last team training day, prayer for the team at one of the church services, and then we're off! I am ecstatic!

Ten days after I arrive back from Guatemala, I will begin classes again! I am excited for the challenge!

There's another big adventure coming up in the near future, but I think I'll hold off on commenting on that for now. I'll just show the pictures after the fact. ;)

God's moving in big ways right now. I am so thankful that His mercy and grace are new every morning!

Hoping you feel His sweet embrace today!

I am heading out now to visit a local tourist attraction for the first time, with one of my favorite people...

Blessings!

"With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation".
Isaiah 12:3

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

May 23, 2010, 3:32 pm

≫ Next: Leap of Faith

≪ Previous: Joy that's Unspeakable. And, I like it.

Did you miss me? My life/schedule has been a complete whirlwind lately. I've thought about sitting down to write a post, but quite honestly didn't have a topic, or the time to do so.

I hadn't realized how much I missed all of you! ;)

As for an update. Hmmm...where shall I begin.

God is moving, and in big ways right now. In less than 2 weeks from now, I and 14 others will be serving in Guatemala. We've had our 6 hour team training day including, but not limited to: holding hands while blind folded, all the while walking on rocks, climbing hills, jogging, and dodging branches. Talk about team bonding.

Stories were shared from the team members that had gone on the trip last year. Stories of visiting single moms who had been raped, and left alone to care for the babies. Stories of large families living in huts with an open fire in the middle of the hut. We've been forewarned that we'll be individually called on to share our testimonies. Only one other team member knows my personal story. I don't know how or when my time will come on the trip to share, but I know it will be life changing. I'm already praying for that family that God will put on my path. I'm praying for the clarity of thought and speech, and for God's unending love and mercy to be obvious to all that we're in contact with.

I would covet your prayers over these next few weeks for protection and safe keeping of all team members, and most of all that we would answer whatever God calls us to do while there. I will post entries from the trip once I return.

Between the Guatemala trip, starting school again, working 6 days a week, and keeping up with friends, life is busy. I know it will most likely be this way for the next 3 years or so, and I'm definitely grateful for all the opportunities, but I'm also looking forward to the time when life slows down a bit. I am so excited for a whole week of getting back to the basics of life...loving on people. Laying down all selfishness, hectic schedules, the woes of everyday life and serving others. I can't wait!

I have one more post in mind before I leave for Guatemala. Stay tuned...

Blessings!

"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered."

Proverbs 21:13

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Leap of Faith

June 1, 2010, 6:08 pm

≫ Next: In the News.

≪ Previous: Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.

There is beauty in friendship.

Hang on to God's Truths, not your circumstances. Receive His Harness of protection.

No matter what the world is telling you, you can trust Him. And, even enjoy the waiting...

Even when the circumstances are frightening.

You can have hope. And peace. And joy.

All you have to do is reach out to Him. He'll never let you go.

The rest is smooth sailing, under His Wings.

And when the storm has passed, you'll be standing on solid ground.

And will hear the words: "Well done, good and faithful, servant!"

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

1 Peter 1:6-7

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In the News.

June 4, 2010, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Guatemala

≪ Previous: Leap of Faith

This time tomorrow morning I will be walking through the airport of Guatemala City.

Guatemala has made the headlines this past week (All the pictures have been taken just this week):

"A woman sweeps ash off a street in Guatemala City May 28, 2010. Guatemala's Pacaya volcano belched columns of black ash on Friday, a day after a powerful eruption killed at least one person, forced hundreds of families to evacuate and shut the international airport. The volcano, 25 miles (40 km) south of Guatemala City, erupted on Thursday, raining thick ash and small rocks on the capital, coating the streets in a layer of gritty black sand. Store owners and residents hosed down their driveways and shoveled heaps of ash and rubble off rooftops and sidewalks."
-REUTERS AlertNet

Tropical Storm Agatha then caused torrential downpours and flooding, closing the main airport.(We have word that it is now open.)

The floods have caused the highways to collapse, forming sink holes.

The landslides forced many to evacuate their homes, and the residents are currently staying in shelters.

And, some have lost their very lives.

The Guatemalans are in mourning. And, my heart is breaking.

Lord, hear the cry of Your people.

I don't believe in "coincidences". Use me, Jesus. I know You want me there.

As we prepare to leave the comforts of our spoiled, over-indulgent, life as we know it, I would absolutely covet your prayers.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18

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Guatemala

June 13, 2010, 5:15 pm

≫ Next: Mud. Muck. And the Like.

≪ Previous: In the News.

I'm home!

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes!

I arrived home just past 12 AM this morning. The trip was amazing! A whole week with just me and God. No cell phone. No email. No distractions. I am honored to have been a part of something so big, so beyond myself. I am so grateful for the intimate and specific ways God revealed Himself to me this past week, all just short of an audible voice coming from a burning bush. ;) More on that later...

"Yet if you devote your heart to him
and stretch out your hands to him,

if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,

then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.

You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by."

Job 11:16

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Mud. Muck. And the Like.

June 16, 2010, 7:23 am

≫ Next: Mya

≪ Previous: Guatemala

I've had the pleasure of literally digging Guatemalans out of their homes.

It is DEFINITELY more blessed to give, rather than receive. Most definitely.

We returned from the 20 min hike from the house pictured above back to the base site for lunch. I looked up from where I was sitting, and the local Guatemalan man's shirt caught my eye. The shirt was bright yellow picturing a capital "D" enclosed within a circle. Below it: "Dylan". I'm not aware of any t-shirt brands named Dylan. But I DO know that my God put me on the side of a faraway mountain in Guatemala, and used an innocent bystander to let me know that my Dylan has not been forgotten.

And, no, that is not the end of my stories. :)

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him".

Psalm 103:13

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Mya

June 20, 2010, 2:44 pm

≫ Next: Grand Finale.

≪ Previous: Mud. Muck. And the Like.

Many of you may remember Mya:

She is a German Shepherd that we had gotten as a puppy. Mya holds a special place in my heart. After Dylan's birth, Mya was a source for me to cuddle, cradle, and love on, when my arms would have otherwise been empty.

I haven't seen Miss Mya in many months, as I allowed her to stay with her dad. I miss her dearly. So you can imagine the amazement, wonder, and gratitude I felt to the Lover of my soul when I walked up to the missionary base in Guatemala for the first time, and came upon these cuties:

Two German Shepherds named Daisy and Duke. They live on the missionary base.

I was especially fond of Daisy.

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."
Psalm 31:7

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Grand Finale.

June 21, 2010, 7:59 pm

≫ Next: In an Instant.

≪ Previous: Mya

And, now for the grand finale of stories from Guatemala. Well...there are actually two stories, both with similar themes, however.

Remember when I went to school to be an ultrasound technician? Well I did, but didn't get in the first go around due to a waiting list. Then I got pregnant.

Over the last 6-9 months, I've also had the chance to work with a doctor in the office I work at on several occasions, as he was doing ultrasounds. I've sat in on probably 15 scans or so. Helping the doctor enter information in the computer, changing the draperies, etc.

All of those experiences, apparently were leading up to this:

All of us that have worked/are working in the health care field were allowed to work at the Women and Children's clinic located on the missionary base. The current physician that is stationed there has a background in family practice. He heard that I work at an OB-GYN office and said, "Here. Have a try at it. You probably know more than I do." He had taught himself on the ultrasound machine. Their main concern is whether or not the baby is breech. If so, they want the patients to head to the hospital after the onset of labor(most moms deliver at home otherwise).

And, of course the families' main concern is whether or not the baby is a boy or girl.

I was able to determine gender and position, by the way. And, had a blast doing so!

In between several patients, it "somehow" came up in conversation that the doctor and his wife lost their baby just 2 months ago. His wife was only 6 months pregnant, and lost the baby due to placenta previa. We exchanged stories, and sympathy. He said it best, "I don't know how someone could survive this without God". Well said, Doctor.

Later on that week, we all visited the local hospital. We split up into 3 groups all visiting different "wards". At the last minute I was added on to the group visiting the OB ward. I ran to catch up with the group.

We entered the first room, all the way in the back corner. It was a new mom, and her mother. The new mom had a special glow, err...peace about her.

The translator explained that the mom had had a c-section just the day before. Her baby had died...

I can't even explain my next move. Without any hesitation, I walked right up to the mom, touched her hand, and began praying, as the translator interpreted. I was given the honor to beg for mercy, peace, and comfort from our gracious Father, as only another grieving mom could. She was incredibly grateful for our visit, and I am blessed to have met her.

We also visited other moms. But, I will never forget her.

It was an amazing trip, and I already miss the people of Guatemala.

God is so good.

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In an Instant.

July 15, 2010, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Living & Loving Life

≪ Previous: Grand Finale.

In all honesty, I have been doing fantastic lately, and haven't felt the need to post. That, and there hasn't been much time to post either.

I was actually feeling like someone who hadn't ever had a baby before. Like someone who has never experienced heartache, loss, or disappointment.

It's been over 18 months since I've last held my own baby, and honestly, random thoughts of Dylan had not crossed my mind in a long time. And that fact alone was actually not unsettling to me. I was okay with all of that.

And, in an instant it can all change.

Maybe it was the 15 week fetus that was handed to me in a gladware container this week. Or maybe it's just been too long of a time period without feeling my loss.

But in an instant, it all changed.

I would give almost anything to be holding Dylan right now. To hear his voice. To kiss his cheek. To touch his toes.

I only knew him for 9 months. I only saw him for 7 hours. But I was instantly in love. And that kind of love, when embraced, doesn't fade over time.

There.

I feel better now.

Now, off to the life of attending classes, taking exams, and not settling for anything less than an A.

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Living & Loving Life

September 5, 2010, 6:34 am

≫ Next: Transition.

≪ Previous: In an Instant.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy".
Psalm 126:5

My absence this summer is owed to several reasons. The main reason being that since my travels to Guatemala, I have come to fully appreciate the beauty of being unattached to modern day electronics, and reach the point of submersion in face to face, heart to heart, relationships with real, live people, not a computer or a blackberry. With that said, I do still maintain an appreciation for such electronics. I just chose to take a breather from them for a little bit this summer. With that said, on to revealing God's Glory!

Fall. It's my all time favorite season. I thoroughly enjoy the cooler, crisp air. The vibrant colors of the leaves, and the aroma of hot apple cider, illuminate my senses, and put an extra spring in my step. I cannot possibly express just how grateful I am for all that God has led me through. For all that He has opened my eyes to. And, for all that He has fully redeemed, and brought healing to. This change of seasons, heightens my awareness to Him all the more.

The opportunities He's given me? Amazing! I am so grateful! Just this summer alone, I've jumped 10,000 feet out of the air.

Traveled to a faraway Third World country.

Definitely had my fix of some of the cutest babies ever.

Was able to see & share amazing quality time with the friends God has blessed my life with.

Ran, well I stopped twice, IF I am to be honest ;), my first 5K.

Do I think one has to jump out of an airplane or visit a school in a 3rd World country in order to feel God's love, and experience His full redemption? Absolutely not! His love, His grace is available to every single one of us, right where we're at! I am just in awe at what He does, when we fully surrender our hearts, and our minds to Him! He is so good!

All the hurt, all the pain, all the sorrow of my past has been healed! And, all the Glory goes to Him! And Him alone! It certainly wasn't easy, in all of my humanness, to let go of my plans, and hand it all over to Him. There were definitely nights I cried myself to sleep. And days that I focused on my past, instead of my future. But His grace was sufficient. His love endured. And, He guided, admittedly sometimes He had to shove, me forward.

I realize this post is all over the place, in the most A.D.D. of fashions. However, I want to share just how amazing God is, and all that He's done for me, a lowly sinner. If He's done, and still doing, it for me, He most certainly will do it for you too!

I encourage you today, no matter where you're at, to thank Him for all that He's done for you. Thank Him for the good and for the bad. For the joy, and for the sorrow. He IS alive, and IS moving on our behalf, even TODAY! Isn't that awesome?! This is a girl who lost her son and a husband, and experienced what the world would call devastation. But...God is good. All the time. The tears that were sown, He has turned into songs of joy. And I can't possibly thank Him enough.

And quite honestly, I wouldn't want to be the same girl I was two years ago. God has opened my eyes, and softened my heart in ways that wouldn't have been possible had I not experienced the trials that forced me to fully depend on Him alone. His ways are always higher than mine. I am just thankful to be experiencing a harvest of joy right now.

Wishing you and your family a blessed and joyful fall season!

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Gal 6:9

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
Heb 12:11

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Transition.

November 27, 2010, 6:23 pm

≫ Next: 2 Years.

≪ Previous: Living & Loving Life

Hi! Remember me?

I'm still in existence, for those of you that have inquired. (And thank you for that!)

In all honesty, my summer and fall seasons were amazing. They were amazing for my grief, my relationships, my outlook on life, and all that lies in between. And, now comes winter.

In every aspect of the word, I am feeling winter. Holidays, family gatherings, and the month of December...all seem to, without hesitation, remind me of all that I had, but have lost. My own house, a husband, a son...all have been lost. All that I ever wanted was at my finger tips. So close, but not fully experienced. At least, not the way that I had hoped.

Granted, I have much to be thankful for. My health, friends, family, great jobs, opportunities to go back to school, freedom, and I certainly haven't forgotten about my salvation.

But there are still rather large holes in my life.

And, this time of year seems to bring those holes to the forefront of my mind.

I'm a single girl, going back to school, living with 3 roommates, and have a wide open life to live ahead of me. Yet, I'm also a mom. And, I've also experienced married life. And, now I have to find a path that acknowledges both. The month of December seems to be paralyzing to me...at least it has for the past 2 years now. And, tragically, I used to love the holidays.

As I put one foot in front of the other, God increases my hope. It is my heart's deepest desire to be a wife again. To be a mom again. And I'm believing God when He says that those who fear Him, will lack no good thing. I believe a husband and a family are good things. Although they have been temporarily taken from me, I will believe God for what He says.

I can't believe what would have been Dylan's 2nd birthday is already fast approaching. Time flies, yet stands completely still when grieving. There were points when weeks, and months went by without shedding a tear for my son. Then...a holiday passes, or an incident brings him back to mind. And he's missed. Deeply, desperately, missed.

I am so thankful that I was able to hold him, hear him, kiss him, and love him.

It is my prayer, for all of us that are missing their loved ones this holiday season, to feel a peace, a love, a comfort, and even a joy that would pass all human understanding. That we would feel His Presence, hear His Voice, and accept His Love.

Blessings to you this holiday season.

"Open the gates to all who are righteous;
allow the faithful to enter.
You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the Lord always,
for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."

Isaiah 26:2-4

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2 Years.

December 28, 2010, 3:49 am

≫ Next: Life on the Wild Side.

≪ Previous: Transition.

Dearest Dylan,

Happy Birthday!

Two years have gone much too fast. It seems like just yesterday when I last held you in my arms. I still remember your sweet scent, and calming coos. Hearing your voice meant everything was going well. You were alive. You existed. And, you filled my heart until it was overflowing with pure love.

I am honored to have known you for those 9 months. You already had developed quite the personality in that short period of time.

You were strong, fighting against all odds.

You were social, reacting to different people's voices.

You were stubborn. Every time your dad went to feel you move inside my tummy, you'd stop...until you finally succumbed or "behaved" on Christmas Eve.

You were advanced for your condition, sucking my finger even though doctors didn't think you could use those muscles.

You were particular. You didn't appreciate the flash from cameras, and didn't enjoy having your clothes changed.

You were patient. Fighting until the end, allowing all your closest family and friends to hear your sweet voice and rub your precious cheeks.

You were brave. You took your last breath in mommy's arms.

I can't wait to see you again. I will always remember you. You will always be my firstborn son. Happy 2nd Birthday!

Love,
Mom

Dylan from Nicole Bronson on Vimeo.

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Life on the Wild Side.

January 30, 2011, 1:10 pm

≫ Next: Reflections. 27 Months Out.

≪ Previous: 2 Years.

There are doors that God has slammed shut for 2010, and others He's flung open in 2011.

I love to travel. It was my initial goal to use my passport every year that it's active. The first year it was used in Mexico. Last year it was used to travel to the far away mountains of Guatemala. This year...

I have planned to make use of my passport while traveling to ISRAEL! The plane departs in about 7 weeks! The weather will be upper 60's. We, all 65 of us that is, will be staying at 5 star hotels, and will be guided by top of the line tour guides! I'll be gone for 10 days! I am so excited to travel where Jesus walked and talked!

And most recently, God has opened the door for a new salon for me to work at! I'll begin there in 1 week! It's a gorgeous facility, with top of line education, and super friendly staff! In fact, it's a salon that I've always longed to work at, but never thought existed in my area. I thought I'd have to live in NY or LA, to work at this top quality of a salon. God has been so good to me!

My apologies for the slacking in the blog department. I am working 50+ hours a week, going back to school, and still trying to maintain a balance with the social life. I can't say that I have it down to an art yet either. Life is busy, busy! Though it would be just as busy chasing after a 2 yr old too, I'd imagine.

But as far as the grief goes, it's still there. More in the background, though. I can honestly say that I feel like a working, single girl now. I don't really "feel" like a grieving mom or an ex wife. I am thankful for the detachment from those "labels". Though, being a mom and a wife are both something I long for. But I am trusting God's perfect plan, and perfect timing for each.

So there you have it. My life in a nutshell.

2010 was a blast! And, I'm looking forward to the adventures that await me in 2011!

Hoping you are anticipating a blessed 2011 as well!

Love,
Nicole

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Reflections. 27 Months Out.

March 20, 2011, 4:12 pm

≫ Next: Home Sweet Home

≪ Previous: Life on the Wild Side.

Sit back, relax, and get comfy. This will be a long post.

It's been awhile.

It feels good to be back at this keyboard. I have a lot to say tonight, and that's because God has had His Hand in many facets of my life recently. In fact, He's always been there. I just didn't always realize it of course.

Fighting the good fight of faith isn't always pretty. I wholeheartedly believe that we do each other a disservice by putting up those glass walls, and giving our neighbors the illusion that our lives are "perfect". Insert cheesy, bleached out, mouth full of veneers smile, and you have yourself a Christ follower, right?

Sometimes, following Christ requires all that we have in us. Sometimes, it's us doing all we can do just to get out of bed in the morning because we have been running, and running, and running some more, from the hurts, the deep wounds, the sting of the pains from our pasts.

Sometimes it's laying in the fetal position, alone, soaked in the day's tears, with our face to the ground, arms reached out, mustering up the strength to cry out "Savior, come quickly!".

We're not called to stay in these valleys, I know. But sometimes we're called to walk through the valleys in order to reveal more of God's Glory at the next mountain top. But, that doesn't take away from the very real, raw, depth of the valleys that do exist.

I've been running.

Running from the very real, very painful, emotions attached to the circumstances, or valleys, that I've walked through these past 27 months. I was under the impression that I could "deal" with my losses, and move on. Be happy. Put on my cheesy, bleached out smile, and represent Christ well. Not the case. That's not what grief looks like. In fact, that's not what life looks like.

There are no guarantees in this life, but One. And His Name is Jesus. In my hurt, He is there. In my loss, He is there. In my loneliness, He is there. In my disappointment, He is there. In my joy, He is there. In my successes, He is there. In my past, He was there. In my present, He is here. And, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He'll be in my future too.

Before these most recent valleys in my life, I believed that if I did the "right" things, prayed hard enough, believed hard enough, my pain would go away. In search of answers, hanging on to the very last shred of hope in me, I called out to God.

Here's what I discovered. Our trials, our pain, our temporary hurts serve a very real purpose. They make us homesick. Let me explain.

This world is not all there is. This is not how life was intended to be for us. There is a void in our hearts that can only be filled by the One and Only. When you've been brought to your knees in complete surrender, knowing that Christ will return and make all things new is the only hope that causes you to stand back up, and keep on fighting another day. For those of you who have mustered up the courage to walk through the valley, hand in hand with our Savior, allowing His grace and mercy to wash over you, you know what I'm talking about.

Christ died a very real, a very painful, sacrificial, death. And, He did it for you and me. The pain is real. The hurt is real. He knows that all too well, in fact. But He calls us to persevere. That perseverance isn't always pretty.

But as surely as the sun will rise, He'll be there.

I'm not sure who this message is for, but I'm hoping you're hearing it.

Our God is a God Who saves. There is no valley too deep for Him to reach down and save us. In fact, He is quite experienced in the redemption department.

God is good. Even when there's nothing good in me.

God is faithful. Even when I'm in the valley.

God is working on my behalf. Even when I stand in utter darkness.

God is love. Even when there's nothing lovable about me.

You see, it's not about me. It's all about Him. What will bring Him the most glory? He had to give up His very own Son to redeem you and I. Who am I that He would be mindful of me? And, who am I to stand in His way. Have Your Way in me, Lord. Even if it's time spent in the valley.

Tomorrow I leave for Israel. I have no expectations. All I am expecting is to stand in awe of the Lover of my soul. To see where He stood as a Man. To visit His Holy Land. Beyond that, is up to Him.

I would covet your prayers for protection, annointing, and an outpouring of His grace.

I pray that all of our hearts are turning towards the Divine Heart Surgeon tonight.

In all of our imperfections, in all of our hurts, in all of our longings, may we be willing to allow Him to have His way in us.

Blessings to each and every one of you!

I'll be in touch!

Nicole

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Home Sweet Home

April 17, 2011, 1:25 pm

≫ Next: Update.

≪ Previous: Reflections. 27 Months Out.

Home Sweet Home.

And I'm not implying it feels good to be back in the States.

I had the most incredible, indescribable, time of my life while in Israel!

I may reside in the United States, but surely, my home is in Israel. I've been back for 2 weeks, but it feels much longer than that. My heart is yearning to return. To be honest, it was very difficult to get on that plane bound back for the states.

There are so many stories, blessings, "burning bush" experiences, that I won't be able to list them all in just one post.

Until I am able to go into more detail, I will leave you with a few pictures. God is so, so good!

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Update.

June 27, 2011, 8:00 pm

≫ Next: Happy Birthday, Sweet Child of Mine!

≪ Previous: Home Sweet Home

I can't believe it's been over 2 months since my last post! Wow!

Tomorrow, Dylan would've turned 2 and a half. That's hard to believe too!

In grief, there are sections of time that seem to stand still. While as a whole, time flies by.

I am doing great! Glory to God! The Israel trip has brought blessing upon blessing. It is truly God's chosen land, and His Word is true. He says that He'll bless those who bless Israel, and curse those who curse it.

I am absolutely LOVING it at the new salon! God is bringing new clients, new friends, in abundance. I'm grateful for the loyalty from the longstanding clients too!

I've begun a beginning nursing course and am HOOKED! There is a special volunteer project in the works right now. I've offered to visit expecting moms on bedrest in the antepartum unit, to provide haircuts and nail maintenance to those making the ultimate sacrifice. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me in this area!

There aren't any trips currently planned. Though, I am anxious to get one on the calendar!

I have plans to move out on my own next month. Besides being married before, this will be the 1st time I've ventured out solo. I am ecstatic! Praying for open doors & discernment in this department.

I am still waiting on God to bring the godly relationship into my life. I am finding satisfaction and fulfillment without it, but it is certainly still an unfulfilled desire. But I trust(though not always easy) God with my future.
He is so faithful, and so good, and so true.

That's my life in a nutshell.

I still think of, and miss Dylan. The thoughts don't come as often as in the past, but when they come, they are just as vivid as 2 and a half years ago.

I so appreciate all of your love, support, and prayers...Im in awe that there are even followers still reading this. Thank you. :)

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